When Stewart Mott graduated from college in 1961, he received $6 million from his father, an auto industry entrepreneur who was one of the founders of General Motors. On top of that, a family trust began paying Mott an annual stipend of $850,000.

The result: Instead of a traditional career, Mott spent his adult life engaged in a variety of eccentric pursuits. He funded research on extrasensory perception. Inside his Manhattan apartment, he built a 10,000 square-foot garden with a chicken coop. He spent time living on a junk in the Hudson River. He also loved politics. At one fundraiser, Mott arrived with a live elephant and two donkeys.

While Mott was unique, stories like this are not uncommon. Inheritances can yield unintended consequences. That’s why Warren Buffett has always said that his goal is to leave his children “enough so that they can do anything, but not so much that they can do nothing.” This, however, may be easier said than done.

How can parents best help their children? In my experience, this is one of the hardest questions in personal finance. I see it, in fact, as the hardest question, because it lies at the intersection of several other questions which are themselves complicated. It isn’t strictly a financial question or a tax question or a parenting question. It’s all of the above. If you have children or other family members you’d like to help, you might consider these steps:

Step 1. To get started, I suggest this thought experiment: Imagine you had a magic wand and were able to cut through all the complexity to create the perfect outcome for your family. What would it look like?

To better illustrate this question, imagine a spectrum of parenting approaches. At one end would be Stewart Mott’s father, who enabled his children to lead lives of luxury. At the other end would be someone like Mick Jagger, who’s communicated to his eight children that they’ll need to be self-sufficient, noting that he might leave all of his assets to charity.

These are extremes, but they may be helpful points of reference as you develop a picture of what you’d want for your own family. Some parents, for example, want to help their children graduate from school with no loans. Others want to help them purchase their first home. Some want to do as much as they can, ideally even helping grandchildren through college.

It’s because this topic is so complex that I suggest starting at this big-picture level. Setting aside the details at this stage will allow you to avoid seeing obstacles before you find solutions.

Step 2. The next step, if you have more than one child, is to consider your definition of fairness. For some, this means treating each child exactly the same, regardless of differing circumstances or needs. For others, what makes sense is to help each child according to their circumstances. If one child is a physician and another a schoolteacher, some parents feel it would defy common sense to treat them the same.

Children can differ along other dimensions. One child might be more thrifty while another has trouble managing money. One child might simply live in a more expensive area. Some children have disabilities that require ongoing care. Should these children all be treated equally?

Step 3. Another consideration is the degree to which you’re willing to make your plan more complex. You could move assets into an irrevocable trust, for example. This type of structure can help in moderating future estate taxes and can provide other benefits, including a greater degree of control in how bequests are used. Want to avoid a Stewart Mott scenario? Trusts typically limit distributions to uses that are deemed productive, such as buying a home.

But in exchange for those benefits, trusts like this require legal work to set up and accounting work to maintain. This type of trust also requires the ongoing involvement of a trustee, who might ask to be compensated. And even the most intricately thought-out provisions aren’t guaranteed to produce the desired results. Trusts that are too restrictive can also lead to resentment. Some trust beneficiaries spend their entire adult lives battling tightfisted trustees. That’s why some families prefer a simpler path, even if it means giving up some control and forgoing potential tax benefits.

Step 4. Another dimension worth considering is charitable giving. If this is important to your family, consider making it part of your plan. Some families try to dovetail estate tax planning with philanthropy by specifying that any part of their estate that is over the lifetime exclusion—or in excess of some other specific number—should be donated to charity. There are many formulations.

Step 5. If your estate includes unique assets such as a vacation home or a business, be especially careful. These can be the most difficult to divide among children and can also carry the most emotional baggage.

Step 6. Another key decision: When would you like to make these gifts? Some parents prefer to give during their lifetimes. This lets them see the impact of their gifts—such as helping a child buy a first home. It also gives them the opportunity to see how children do with small amounts before giving them larger checks. And it can be particularly helpful to children in their young adult years, when life is expensive.

Other families prefer to leave assets for their children only in the form of bequests. This can be simpler for parents because it allows them to avoid struggling with the question of how much they can afford to give. Another reason some families prefer this approach: They don’t want money to become a factor in their relationships with their children. And it can also help avoid impacting children’s work ethic during their young adult years.

Step 7. For reasons that are understandable, money can be a taboo subject. But when it comes to family gifting, I recommend being transparent. Let your children know your plans—and the thinking behind it.

In a recent letter, Warren Buffett mentioned that he has updated his estate plan every few years. And while he may be at a different level, it’s a reminder that the plan you develop need not be permanent. Some plan is better than no plan, and you can follow Buffett’s lead in updating it as the circumstances—and as your thinking—evolve.​